#6 - N'importe quoi!

Ah, one of my favorite phrases in French.  You hear it constantly--in the street, in political debates, at work, or with friends--it's impossible to be even remotely French without it. 

N'importe can be translated as "any," "either," or "______ever."  For example: 

• n'importe qui ("anybody/whoever")
• n'importe quand ("anytime/whenever")
• n'importe où (anywhere/wherever)
• Etc.... 

But more literally, n'importe really means "it doesn't matter"--or it is of "no import," to put it in slightly outdated English.

And quoi simply means "what."

So in fact, n'importe quoi can be translated as "anything" or "whatever."  For example, MacGyver est capable de fabriquer n'importe quoi ("MacGyver can make anything"), or Tu peux me parler de n'importe quoi ("You can talk to me about anything"). 

But n'importe quoi is at its very best, and most uniquely French, when it expresses indignation.  On WordReference.com, C'est n'importe quoi is translated as "It's nonsense. / Nonsense!" but that doesn't even come close.  With"C'est n'importe quoi!" outraged Parisians can complain about incompetence, laziness, inefficiency, lack of organization, stupidity, and anything that's just a ridiculous pain in the cul.  And believe me, with French bureaucracy, there are many, many, many occasions to use this phrase.

Honestly, the best equivalent in English would be "This is BS!"  But even that's not quite the same.  There's an implication of carelessness, and an expression of contempt, when the French accuse someone of doing, saying, or being n'importe quoi. 

When replying to scandalous accusations, politicians can say, C'est n'importe quoi!

When your health insurance mails your documents back to you 3 separate times because each time they forgot to tell you that you need to include Form X, Y, or Z, that's n'importe quoi.

When it's clear that somebody has no idea what they're doing, you can say, Il fait n'importe quoi.

When your student has no idea what the right answer is and they just spit out the first thing that comes to mind, Il dit n'importe quoi.

Whether it's contempt, fury, indignation, disbelief, stress, or weariness that you want to convey, this is the phrase for you.

One last tip: in order to get the maximum justified outrage out of these words, you have to say it just right, and I don't just mean with good pronunciation--but with the emphasis in exactly the right place: "C'est N'IM-porte quoi!"

Unfortunately I couldn't find a good video of someone saying it quite like that (a long rant with this phrase would've been wonderful)--but I did find an angry chicken.  Enjoy!

C'est n'importe quoi!