#11 - Hugs & Bise

Hugs!  It's the social phenomenon of my generation.  It's become the center of a whole movement of spreading kindness and affection, and it's the new greeting of choice between many young people--at least, if you're American. 



But in France, a hug is a relatively rare thing.  Not because French people are less affectionate, but simply because they have their own custom: la bise, or bisous, which usually consists of a kiss on each cheek.  Try the wrong one in the wrong country and you'll probably end up spending a really awkward moment with someone as they try to figure out what the heck you're trying to do--and why.

This is about how awkward it feels trying to hug someone from a country that doesn't do hugs. 

Granted, I've hugged some of my French friends before, but only for special occasions; it's a gesture of exceptional closeness, just as you wouldn't expect an American to kiss just any random person on the cheek.

Which brings us back to the problem of translatability.  Since "hugging" as a form of greeting is not a thing in France, there isn't really a suitable phrase for it.  They have the phrase s'embrasser, which of course is related to the word "embrace," but when French people say it, they're usually referring to the bise, or even romantic kissing, depending on the context.

This leaves us with a choice between either really formal words or some very literal descriptive phrases:

• étreindre (verb) - to embrace, hug, clasp; to grasp, clutchThis word has some strong emotional and literary connotations.  I think it's more equivalent to the English word "embrace."  It's rather formal and dramatic.  

• accolade (noun) - an embrace, a hug
  This one is also very formal and rarely used.  To use it in verb form, you can say donner l'accolade à qqn ("to give a hug to someone").

• câlin (noun) - a cuddle, hug; (adj) - cuddly, affectionate
  This word is much more casual, but it's also much more general than "hug."  In LaRousse, it's defined as "Caresse tendre, affectueuse" ("tender, affectionate caress") and it's often considered child-like or platonic.  I think "cuddle" is the best translation for it.

• prendre/serrer quelqu'un dans les bras - take/clasp someone in the arms
  This is the closest to the actual meaning of "hug," but it's more of a literal description--not a word that actually embodies the concept of "hug."

On the other side, of course, you have a similar problem of untranslatability with faire la bise ("do the bise").  We can say, "kiss someone on each cheek," but that is also just a literal description--and not an accurate one, in fact.  When you do the bise, you don't actually kiss the person's cheek.  It's more of a little air kiss that you do cheek to cheek with the other person.

There are whole articles and videos explaining exactly how, when, where, and with whom you should do the bise.  This is a pretty good article on the Alliance Française site if you want to know more.

In both cases it's simply a cultural practice that has no exact equivalent on the other side--neither in words nor in practice.  But what I love is that both French and American cultures are deeply affectionate and not afraid to show it.  Whether it's "hugs" or bisous, we each have our own ways of showing friendliness, openness, and trust--and that's important.

More fun references:
That time that John Kerry hugged François Hollande...
One girl's experience hugging her new French father-in-law 
And another super-awkward hug some geeks might fondly remember :-D